The fridge

It seemed that dad was working all the time rarely coming home. When he was home he was asleep and even working those kind of hours he still barely had enough to maintain his family, often times not having enough to last the week. I remember having picnics by a lantern because the lights were off until payday. Now having my own family I understand just how hard it is to provide and what it’s like to have a list of I can’t affords. I still remember My sons 2nd birthday/Christmas when all we could afford was dollar store toys, I get it now. My dad worked his hands raw and bloody to just survive. My mom had been asking often for a new fridge, the big yellow rumbling beast that revd its Engine when cooling.. shook the house I loved it as a youngster. I can see my parents still screaming and shoving eachother in the kitchen over needing a new fridge see it ran water that pooled in front and mom had enough cleaning it up. Dad kept patching the problems trying to put this large purchase off until summer. He left that Sunday to go to work screaming over a fridge, sounds ridiculous now, they fought just for the sake of fighting.

A few days later after only having a few sightings of her since dad left. The silent treatment, so awkward and even now I get very anxious and hysterical inside if someone ignores me actually I get pissed and come across vicious I think. Damn temper of mine. I can Remember at times a week or more could go by and my mom would not talk to me nor even turn her head to look at me. I can see myself 8 years old following behind her that big bottom in a nightdress that was mostly eaten by her bum. I remember begging for her to talk to me having doors slammed in my face, it’s a very awful feeling I’d actually prefer a beating to the silent treatment, shiver. Mom just came out one evening very energetic and happy. She put down 3 cans of old paint, brushes and glitter, are we doing an art project? Well it was kind of art I guess. Happily shevpulled that huge yellow fridge out into the middle of the floor. She took a paint brush and splattered dark green paint all up the front of the fridge. I was so confused, this felt odd but I got excited to do something with you, sad but true I’d take anything for attention so lonely all the time. I dipped. My brush into a rose pink can of paint and made a dot on the fridge. Mom was laughing, jumping up and down giggly and I joined in full throttle. We laughed together and I felt like I was on cloud nine, if mom said it was ok then it must be, right? Oddly fond moment. Mom just stopped. She stepped back and had a massive smile on her face. “Now the fucking asshole will buy a fridge. ”

With those words a rush of fear came over me. Mom just shoved the fridge into the hole and walked away like a smerk in her walk. “Make sure you get all that cleaned up” . No good was going to come from this, the hysteria inside grew I spent that night cleaning paint off the walls, floors it was everywhere. I knew dad would be home the next day and I was knotted in the gut about this.

I stayed in my room all evening waiting to hear dads truck come up the driveway. He rolled in the rocks popping of his tires. My heart pounded and throats became tense and stiff. He came in the heightened senses heard each lace undone, crinkling of his coat. Then came the pause. “What the fuck?!?” Echoed up the carpet stairs hitting my chest like a airbag. This massive fridge was painted like splatter art green,pink,blue with gobs of glitter blabbed on worse than a 2 year olds painting. It was absolutely ugly! Dad just left as she came after him laughing and mocking him. ” you pussy!” “Piece of shit” you moron! She beat him down constantly in particular my dads intelligents. He’s a simple fella but not nearly as dumb as she taught me. Honestly I thought my dad was a bit mentally delayed because of her. He’s not at all.

Why?

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