The world hurts. It hurts. Hurts. I feel heavy lead lined skin of burden. I struggle ever so greatly with being around others, not for a lack of want and at times a craving to be alike, similar would be a familiarity to focus on a spot on the fall as I spin between realities on a chemical roller coaster influenced by the feeling that come from. It hurts.
I hold myself responsible for my negative actions, I beat blame myself forever over my unlikeness. Do I offend people? Yes. I’m blunt, sometimes emotionally absent or reactionless or over charged emotions that do not fit in any average rational scale of behsviour. Because it hurts.
I’m held accountable for my minds reaction to a life situation as does a diabetics sugars rise when they eat sugar, causing the symptoms of faint, sweat, nausea to suggest a few. Now at times in life when I can’t find words or a way to say or form a feeling into a word. Overwhelming life circumstances and fatigue are to my brain as set diabetic to sugar. My symptoms are not measured by a test it’s right there, in your face down right ugly and odd, rude, aggressive, teary, frantic, breathless, gasping.. these are the mild ways of showing my internal chemical reaction to set life experience. If I’m in emotional distress, falling apart wounds raw and ravaged by symptoms. I’m alone. Why? As a courtesy to all the world and inside I still feel great shame after a “fit” I want to… but.. it hurts.
Teach. In order to survive with the human contact I still need though my actions say else wise I love to be around people. It saddens me deeply to be on the sidelines cause I can’t guarantee I’ll be there, be ok or that I won’t be “off” “odd” or let you down there because. I’ve let so many down. It hurts.
May the agony inside today be a foundation of healing for our future.
Terms are often used at times of disbelief. We teach for anything to explain the uncomfortable feelings towards awkward topics, talk.
My hearts heavy and hung in my throats aching each swallow.
It just fucking hurts!
I ache from my bones to my soul.
I scream to the Stars free me from this quest relieve me of the sorrow catching my chest.
As I doze off my medication warming my aching muscles finally relaxed.
Still it hurts.