I Wish

my family mean everything to me. We are a unique collection of across the board personalities.  We have siblings wives husbands step moms/dads grand kids great grand kids, adobted children and continuously growing.  I wish we could all just drop down the excuses, the hurt feelings, the silly fights, I don’t like this one, that one she’s this he’s that.. Just stop it!!  Just stop it all and be a family again.  I wish.

I wish that we could all talk openly despite differences be civil and family still.  The holding grudges from back at the beginning of time or feeling isolated because you share differences with another.  It’s notbright or fair.  Every single person no matter what deserves respect.  This im learning in such a nieve way.  I’m clueless I suppose or being away from home so long I’m out of the loop way more than I knew but over the years I now know all the family changes, feelings and more has places gaps some can’t be fixed others can by just moving on.  I’m sorry goes a lot further than holding your ground.  Jealousy has tainted others the who has what’s, goes where’s I guess makes others upset, like can’t we celebrate eachother?  Shit we don’t even talk I hear.  This is so so sad to me that all these awesome people are all hurt one way or another.  Families are hard.

i wish. I wish.

As I’m getting older I’m having these searching feelings to know more all those unknown events that happened around me in ignorant bliss.  All I know is that I have no bad bones myself, truly.  As a woman I’m lonely for connections, I have so few people that are close like family.  I want people to remember eachother, call visit msg whatever just reach out more often.  I want to feel like someone’s gonna be there when our family experiences rough times.

I know from many years sitting across the desk from hundreds of broken hearted people saying goodbye to someone that the did not speak to over foolishness.  I’ve seen that unique guilt destroy people, if you have any I wish I said, apologized, called, talked to feelings at the thought of them dying then do it!  I wish!

im lonely for family


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