imageGrowing up in a home that is unattended to, hoarded full of filth with so many cats I can’t give a number is very difficult.  I hated being teased at school because my book bag smelt of Tom cat spray, I hated that sour smell of cat shit that could not be washed out our clothing would be matted into the basement floor full of urine and fecese like yesterday I can see that basement, the cats heads and eyes within the piled wood,?that sound of baby kittens muffled in the piles of garbage the ammonia made is difficult to breathe down there.  I can see that old wood stove everytime I think of that stove I go to watching the bright orange raging fire as a little girl I can see my barbies burning as you tossed them in a rage over me being ungrateful, I feel sad for myself as a woman know.

A few of the cats over the years stand out like a orange cat named Garfield that had his paw skin all tore off in a cycle bikes tire.  I remember him I remember that scream as the bike ripped his skin off, the red muscle and bone all exposed.  Garfield was not taken for help he died from his foot decayed in that basement and rotted into that wood.  Then there was Noel a calico cat with a butterscotch face.  The tears flow as I begin to write her story.  Ok

Noel was a distant cat odd really a population of cats like this caused fighting, over breeding, hunger and disease, these cats were all scared and eyes running noses full of dirt hair all dirty with there own fluids.  Noel spent most her days on the window ledge just gazing outside I imagine she wanted out as bad as I did.  On this particular day a angry fit went too far too quick.  I can see you screaming as you ran into your bedroom holding cat shit in your hand, I was on the bed froze knowing you were very upset you cried as you screamed when you lost it.  Noel was on the window ledge as usual you grabbed her by her tail pulling her out the broken blinds she screamed and clawed as she hit the ground you held her by her neck and smashed the shit into her face rubbing it in forceful screaming, I can’t remember Tge words only the pitch of the yells itvwas terrifying.  Noel kicked her back legs as you held the shit over her nose and mouth as she began to slow down in the trashing you grabbed her by the back of her neck Nd as though in slow motion you threw her like a frisbee.  She hit the dark wood dresser against the foil covered unfinished walls.  She hit the dresser and as she bounced back she did circles In the air.  Noel lands on the floor and her body begins to flip and flap on the floor she was jumping up and down screaming dragging her legs behind her.  Her back was broken in half the impact on the dresser snapped it like a twig.  The screams unbearable to hear only got more intense covering my ears crying hoping to awake this can’t be real.  You begin to cry and howl oh my poor baby Noel you tossed her flailing body into a pillow case and ran down the stairs.  I watch as you ran out the door I stare down the steps for what felt like eternity.  I never saw Noel again, I don’t know what happened next but I do remember you crying for days about how you lost your special kitty.  Telling everyone the tragic tale, your version missing all the facts.  Somehow you always made things about you even poor Noel.

Noel, Noel the Angels did sing…

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