Moss Man

imageWhen your a child there is very little you have to give, giving holds more meaning.  I remember very well the Mother’s Day I put my little heart into something.  I always felt that if I could make her smile I was s good daughter despite how awful I was that year. I had nothing in my piggy bank no change left over from my trip to Greers earlier that month I was selfish and bought a few barbies but I was inspired by the spirit of giving.  My mom was going to have a great handmade gift from me.  She will love it!

I found a big fingers coffee can from the basement it was covered in dirt and cat droppings and urine but as soon as I saw it I knew I wanted to make a flower pot, yes mom loves ️Gardening I’ll make a special pit of flowers just for her, can’t buy any but I can make it.  I ran to the garden hose and washed the filth off the can I had no idea what I going to do but I’d figure something out.  As I walked up the old truck trail to the field before the mountains I saw the most beautiful patch of moss, bright green and fluffy I had to use that I filled my pockets with handfuls of earthy squishy moss, smells so good.  I continued by the trail flickering Rays of sun above the trees twinkled light as the sun peeked through.  I found these pine cones for eyes, some white rocks would be perfect for a smiley mouth, Yep.  I peeled off some soft birch bark for feet under the can, a few stocks for arms, now  to make my moss man flower pot.  I ran down the hill towards the house as I reached the picnic table I emptied my pockets sorting each treasure into appropriate facial pieces.  I knew father had glue in the chicken coop I ran over to the barn and found some black electrical tape and some goopy wood glue a bit of yellow rope, perfect.  I glued the moss all over the can, taped the birch bark to make cute feet, poked holes for his arms and I created this happy little flower pot, I could see her smile and knew I’d get a hug.

I needed to fill him with flowers now.  I walked across the road towards uncles house the most beautiful lillies coming up I saw them coming home on the his that Friday, mom would love that.  I used a tea spoon to dig up a single tiger lily that was about to bloom.  It took forever I had no idea how big the roots are all intertwined.  I ran up the road Lilly in toll proud as a peacock to finish my gift.  I put the lolly in the moss man packed him in I saw that the Lilly was hanging, I broke it I know now but as a kid I grabbed a straw and propt it up.  In my eyes it was so beautiful, couldn’t wait for you to come down from your room.  Every year mom spent most holiday celebrations up in bed.  Oh this will make the sad go away, I could fix this.  It was close to noon and I heard your bracelets tinkle you were up.  I ran out and grabbed moss man.  When I came back you were at the kitchen sink filling the coffee pot.  I ran up all excited so proud of what I spent my whole morning making just for you mom.  I stood behind you moss man in hand, “mom Happy Mothers Day!! You didn’t turn around” Not now it’s my damn day and I want to be left in peace today”.  I you just turned around I knew you’d feel all better and come out to play.  You turned and I held up my moss man,, you started to cry, then sob holding your hand to your face.  “A fucking hunk of dirt and trash is all I get!!”  I gave up everything for you, you ungrateful little tramp!! I hate this I’m better than this you ruined my life!!”  I felt my heart sink, I ruined mothers day.  You took my moss man and threw it against the wall in the kitchen.  I felt my eyes begin to water and lip quiver, I felt so sad.  You were sobbing and screaming the fear inside me burst into tears, I ran threw the screen door and up the road, crying my eyes out I couldn’t see in front of ne but I kept running.  I jump down the trail towards the deep salmon hole.  Why can’t I ever do anything right.  I say there on the river bank watching the fish jump until the sun set.

I wad 8 years old.

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