I ran

imageI ran, I’ve ran my whole life, I ran to run awat I’ve ran to face things I ran from myself I’ve ran from the pain with everything but my vein have I ran.  I ran last week for power.  I ran for freedom, I ran to celebrate my life, my accomplishments, my struggles and my future.  I ran till my breathe stole my heart, I ran my god I’ve ran and with every foot to the earth I remembered, I felt it I cried, i fell to my knees at that bridge and I cried.  I cried cause it hurts, cried cause I love too much I forgave too often I cried.  I cried for that little girl beyond her years in a normal world of fucked chaos not normal at all.  I cried cause I broke, I fell apart I’ve done everything you can imagine to hide, lie, distract and cover all above myself, self, self, I had no self it was taken before age of understanding and I cried…

I ran for you I ran for you to find peace, I ran to break away.  I said goodbye and grieved you.  I ran.. I ran to find her, that woman growing each day I ran to my future leaving the pain behind and I ran to feel again.  I will nevEr say goodbye, attend your funeral or visit your grave, I’m left with no closure as you lay in some room curled up drugged and miserable, I have to grieve you alive I grieve the idea of.. The idea of a mom.  I had no mom you saw me as your pawn yours, I am no longer yours. I ran as though each thump of pavement was the dirt hitting your casket, I saw your face your smile your good and I ran away from that monster you carry.  I ran mom I ran and as I crossed that line survivors all around the charge of completion, a finale I did it.  I ran my hideous curls free my round fat face high, I ran pigeon legged and gapped teeth, I ran a size 12 I can see the disgust on your face, I ran from your grasp.  Mom I love you.  Mom i forgive you.  Mom Its yours to own and mine to remember.  As you lay there semi conscious alone no family no grandkids no christmas nothing but those bottle know.. It’s yours.

Goodbye and I run..

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