Little white teddy bear

imageWe all feel so grown up when we begin to fly out of the nest into tween ville.  Music begins to hold real meaning feelings are stronger, opinions are forming as are your likes and dislikes.  That summer before returning to lowers school for our last year before advancing to the big high school.  I spent that summer hiking, biking and of course on the river. This was the summer my body changed I was no longer a awkward chubby kid I was lean, dark and cute, never saw it myself.  It was only weeks into grade seven yku and I couldn’t stop smiling at eachother, then came the notes in class, do you like me?  Please check.  When you sent me that letter I blushed and hoped it was you as I turned around you smiled that happy face.  I checked yes and everyone handed it back.  Not much of that class was remembered could not wait to see you at lunch. The bell rang and we met in the library, yku took my hsnd I remember that flip of the tummy feeling just holding hands was big.  We dated that whole year and every memory I shared with you was nothing but fun and sweet, truly a good person I was happy to be the one holding your hand.  Valentine’s day was beautiful that year you bought me the cutest white bear holding a red heart had said I love you with a singl long stem red rose.  You made me smitten your name was doodled on all my books anywhere i could.  We held hands so much that year those sticky hands together all the time.

I loved coming to your house to wAtch movies and hold hands neither of us built the courage quickly to kiss.  It was summer and our class was going on a bus to go swimming g at the pool we sat in the middle of the bus your friends being silly started to chant kiss her.. Kiss her.  I couldn’t breathe was this going to happen?  We made eye contact both giggling we leaved in and out lips touched, I was head over heels.  Your green eyes, brown hair and that smile it just said Goodness.  Every recess we would sneak up to the top hill near the dug outs just to be alone no parents, teachers or tAdle tales.  We kissed those days away.  Cuddling, smooching and eating skittles even eating skittles out eachothers mouths, so cute!  Skittles still make me giggle like your sweet kisses. Nothing more innocent than the time we spent together growing into adulthood.  I have nothing but wonderful memories of you even that night we made out at a grad party, even then we got lost together not like it was the first time it happened secretly all along school years we would meet in the dug outs, behind the old arena anywhere.

This week I got a call that you had died, a seizure that took your life.  I can’t imagine anyone so young and good just gone.  I know as we grow up and start our own families we loose touch but we never did.  always a ️️hello here and there and a hug when I was home never felt like we stopped caring, we didn’t.  I’m so sorry that you were so sick and had to fight so hard your whole life.  Those holes in your little heart was what was suppose to take you from us but your heart of gold never gave out.  I  personally feel that after we die our soul is still here we just go to another reality like level up in experience so I say this to you.  My sweet friend you will always be apart of my story I loved Ya more than any tween girl could.  May your children know that you were the best.  Rest easy may the pain no longer hurt and your worries gone.

see Ya up there bud.

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