Inpatient living outpatient

imageFor the rest of my life I will be under the supervision of medical professionals in order to monitor my condition and work with the symptoms I live with in recovery.  Only way I personally will remain healthy and happy is under strict care. I check into the local psychiatric ward often, see my doctor review medications do my talk therapy and work towards better health each day overcoming obstacles baby steps at a time.  My ample medications are always changing as my episodes are never the same.  The right medications and doses are the key to my not relapsing into psychosis.  For myself i fluctuate from severe depression to hypo mania weekly.  With such a great network full of education for me and my family.  My children will be with mommy as we attend functions and apts why?  Because they will not fear mommy, we speak openly when I need to go for a few day reset and rest because little ones automatically link a parents sickness to something they have done wrong.  They will not feel that because we choose to educate.  We speak comfortably about things because my beautiful children are genetically likely to experience some form of mental illness.  No shame in that they will gain strength because they see me fight for myself and health.  The future only gets more accepting. May they know tolerance.

Every appointment I see the regular patients all similar to myself and I see and know well that recovery for the majority is not a pursuit.  I See people like myself in degree who live within the ward more than in the sunlight outside.   I’m reminded how fortunate I am to be recieving such Wondetful care and support so I can live a full healthy life.  I’m reminded how fortunate I am when I see a unfortunate mumbling alone lost that at any time that could be me.  I shouldn’t be so stable but because I only seek health I’m doing good today the future is unknown this is the truth.  I fear myself daily deep inside because the sleeping beast can wake at anytime.  So everyday I live in the moment and do what I want.  My life!  So lovely.

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