Panic

Father had brought a skidder tire inner tube home from the garage the evening before.  It was too late to play and you bet I dreamed all night of jumping on that tube!!  We awoke and ran downstairs directly outside.  Quickly we blew it up with dads blue pump, we were girls who could do anything father always showed us stuff in the garages. We had several children in the area during these years, friends always coming over to play.  Unfortunately we all moved away from home to survive yet we carry our village in our heart.  We attacked that tube, the sun torched rubber stung the feet so had to jump higher, round and round we bounced holding hands.  We laughed and giggled pony tails a step behind each bounce.  My heart smiles still when I close my eyes in this memory I still feel the sun kissing my forhead.  Being a kid is so lovely! Seemed in no time we had a yard full of kids all bouncing and playing amongst those fluffy yellow Devils paint brushes we called em.  petfect summer day.

crreeek,, the porch door had this long wound spring cry as bouncing happily I watched my mum come outside.  Mum always looked beautiful her skin browned beautifully always so nicely dressed, such a beauty.  I could see she was bringing out lemonade pink lemonade we all loved that who didn’t.  The moisture beading on the pitcher and ice clinking she gracefully placed our treats on the picnic table.  Clearly the sound of pouring muffled the sound of her glass as she walked towards the two trees.  I always watched my mom, I could feel everything and I knew she was down, this made me sleepless and greatly sad, didn’t understand fully why but my mum and I had a Unbreakable relationship im Her best friend.

The flame lit her players light cigarette as the smell of burning tobacco drifted like clouds around her.  I love the smell of tobacco it reminds me of her.  We gathered up the green hose and smattached the spribkler it was hot so time to cool off.  We screeched in laughter. All a sudden the fun was over.  She began to run I jumped off and ran towards her.  I felt that fear and confusion and the sadness she carried inside hurt my heart taking the breathe outta my mouth.  Standing in uncertain uncomfortable feelings and all I could do was watch, what can I do?  What happened?  I couldn’t understand such big feeling inside me.  Down the hill towards uncles house she ran, hands over her eyes she bends over panting for air historically crying.  I ran to her and wrapped my arms around her, I cried cause she hurt, she was my best friend.  I could see a logging truck rolling around the bend it was time ti get off the yellow line, walking her up the driveway.  It’s ok I kept repeating, talk to me.  Please talk to me are you ok mum?  I knew to comfort her this was our normal I didn’t know better till I grew, not everyone’s home was so sad.

all my friends had stopped playing and watched us walk up the hill, my face Crimson in embarrassment, please don’t make fun of me.  This was the first time I remember sitting for the afternoon listening to my mum cry and talk out some big stuff.  I hurt for her I carried these stories inside and my anger grew towards him because he did this he broke her.

This was the beginning of Choosing ones love over another… Choose

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