Blinding light bursts into my room Scalding my bloodshot eyes, instantly I feel rage. It’s very well known I’m not a morning person. At this age of 15 I was into just about everything off the streets I could get my hands on. I could disappear for weeks on a bender that traveled all home and surrounding provinces, waking up in truck stops covered in who knows who’s vomit. I had just came back the day before high as shit on perks and vodka mixed with boonze farm cheap wine. I stood outside slurring my words unable to stand. I was met with a tornado of anger nothing I loved more than someone confronting and bullying me in a yelling spree, I reach my room and lock the door. Turn the music on blast crawling out my window onto the brown hot shingles. My safe zone. I knew my obnoxious teenage attitude and stunts that brought me home would not go on punished.
the instant rage infuriates me I can see myself commuting murder, it hurt all over as my bruises of all shades hurt for the first time as the pain pills wore off. I knew to just surrender, as I put in the fancy ugly suit and put my hair back. What in the hell is in store? As I sit in the backseat counting culverts for what felt like second we pulled up to a old church. A elderly petite man greeted the car. My eyes saw that creepy car of death, this hearse drive threw town etching the images of our lived community members in our minds. I felt that chilling paralitic freeze me in that moment. I get out as instructed and off drove the car, I was dropped off, left.
We go inside the Funeral Parlour and the deathly smell of rotten flowers and darkness makes me terrified! See there was nothing in this world that scared me more than death! To this day even after years served its still some twisted fear that haunts my sleep. On the inside every part of me wanted to fall down. As we entered the office I was introduced immediately to the man who just layed my great grandmother to rest months before. Unaware to me this had been arranged during that time. I was the perfect candidate, young cute and local, I’d be perfect as a business move. He reached his wide hand out and that clamy soft hand made my hair stand up, yuck.
We all walked together down to the basement and down that blue concrete hallway. As I drag behind they wait for me standing outside this big white door. The older man talked and talked about what I was gonna see yet none of these descriptive words remotely prepared me for what lurked behind that door. My fists clench, I was here until this was over so time to disconnect and get it over.
One tiny step at I time I follow them into a bright even more white room. I look to a large white pporcelain Tabel in the middle of the room. A smwhite sheet drapped over the obvious human form. He wraps a white lab coat around me tying the back shut. He smelt of cologne, so much so I could taste it. I can’t look at him the energy he gave off would make any woman run. As he layed out his tools on a sterilized metal tray I just stood there head down. As the sheet lifted I turned my head, oh shit this is real ok. I slowly turn my head as his face slowly came into focus. Peace! Such peace did I feel. The image of death instantly made a part of me comfortable. I felt that inside.