Night One

As those metal doors with mesh in the glass slamned and locked behind me, two nurses one on each arm guide me towards a room behind their desk.  I could not Stop mumbling, broken random words strung together with a slur of a drunken mess, varying pitches and scream escalate as I round the corner, a ladies room.  My memory is flashing like strobe lights in and out of my madness.  The birds all began to chirp in this raising anxious cry as if I’m trapping them.

Flash.  I’m completely nude standing in a white tile locker room in a warm shower with no curtain, nothing just me cornered by two nurses that kept trying to touch me wash me, it’s so uncomfortable I keep covering myself in dirty shame. The little girl voice is begging for someone to save me as I cry tears of bloody murder.

Flash, on my knees water smothering me I’m unraveled I’m gone almost repeat words rushing..

Flash: a sterile towel with bristles for texture scratch my heightened sensations.  The straps are pulled tight on my wrists, these puffy cloths protecting my wounds, my legs raised the doctors gloves snap as I’m asked to comply to a mandatory pelvic exam, it hurt.. It burned

fkash: My feet are in flames as I struggle and scream pleas of save me from hims, the demons are under my bed, burning the mattress under me like a seat that’s heats on high.  I’m thrashing to put my feet out, the flames in raging orange rise up the walls towards the small square window at the ceiling.  The curtains begin to singe and fall, the sulfur burning my nose.  Birds screaming in torture voices all competing to win my voice as I flip back and forth to their vulgar instructions to attack, as if I’m being tortured by spy’s.

Flash: the bell began to ring, that vibrating echo drilling into my skull, I’m burning I scream lifting off the bed in seizure like movements to avoid burning. The red and white lights flashed behind the curtain flames as the doorway fills with people all dressed in white.  They come running at me, reaching and pawing at me I hear that voice rise from another’s mouth, white coat,!yellow possessed eyes remind me they are in control so give in.

i feel the needles pierce my bottom and the red hot burn if medication starts to move along my hips.  I start to feel my thrashing slow down and out of breathe I lay there,,, voices begin to hush yet race…

I can’t remember my name I’m told, I did not even know what planet I was on or the date.  I knew nothing of myself other than what my demons spoke of.  Into a pile I fell.  Days and weeks go missing just small flashes of alert, faded to black, monitors beeping.  Needles and pill cups, greasy hair and repeat messages.


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