🎵silent night, holy night, all has come all is bright.  Round young virgin mother and child.  🎵 the Stars twinkled just for me, revealing hidden messages and clues for me to follow.  It was far from a silent or holy night for me.

Days of irregular behaviour tgat had drawn a lot of attention and concerns.  Some rumoured it was the drink that finally got her, it was those hard drugs she’d been eating like m&ms for years.  None of these fit the downward spiral I was being sucked into a vortex of delusion, in and out of my own insanity.  It was the voice within that began to speak.  I listened intently Id been waiting 10 years to hear you! Who are you? Why have you chose me to complete your missions?  Why did you only whisper for so many years when any voice would have been welcome. Anyone to talk to me.  I lived amongst the walking in a fog of fury brewing within.

The Black owl had arrived weeks before.  He revealed himself to me, spoke of things I could only dream of.  A home beyond the pain he said.  He promised me I would go quietly but first you must complete your earthly mission, your purpose.   As the weeks passed the comfort of feathers rustling around me reminded me I was growing stronger, more than just a human.  I sat in a warmth bath a steamy room of white swirls and he sang to me, he sang lullabies that made me feel safe.  Those rustling feathers like a fan layed me to sleep.  “Up!  Get up!!!!” I sat up from a deep sleep as I heard a voice Id never heard before.  This voice was bone chilling, frozen in freight I slowly gazed around the room, darkness and the drip of the leaky tap counted down the silence.  “It’s time” as if a ️Electric cabel jolted me I felt myself lift away from myself.  I looked down on my image as I slid my bare feet into the furry blue slippers.  The glow of our Christmas tree lit the living room as I entered the room it’s lights began to brighten individually forming a symbol, no it’s a word.  GO! The front door handle was frosted with the biggest storm that year on the island.  As I opened the door the frigid wind embraced me in natures protection I would follow that star and find the answers to this mission.  We lived on a bluff next to the falls, the angry waves bashing against the cold rock misted the snow making it freeze on your skin instantly.  I watched the waves come in and out, each wave increased my importance.  I stepped closer ️my toes above the moonlit froth of the sea.  Speak to me!  Speak!  The stars came together.  ” it’s time” I sigh as I watch myself make my way towards the ocean, the start was just behind the waves.

My feet sank into the fluffy powder my t shirt flapped in the wind as I bow my head watching the snow reach over my knee, wind aggressively pushing me back.  The voices only grew louder, I could feel my teeth crack in the cold.  I walk and walk no marks to follow in the untouched snow. Hours pass and I remember little.  The voices are battling now I surrender as they take the wheel.  Eyes throw back to the sky, I scream.. Take me!!

7 hours passed I’m told I had walked for hours, my feet blistered skin blue I walked towards a porch light that called my name.  I can hardly see the outline of the house but something told me within to go there.  My vein risen skin and blue fingers grasped the door knocker,  I bang.  I see a lamp come on as a womanly image came to the door wrapping her robe tightly.  As the glass door opened, I knew this face but could not recollect who.  She wraps me in a quilt I can feel my jaw involuntarily clattering.  I feel the cold wind rush in behind me.  It was My best friend, he found me.  I fall into his chest.  As he holds me up w walk towards the car.  I knew logically where I had to go I was not safe!  The blood of my inflicted wounds stained my pjs and by frost bitten feet blistered I knew.  He buckled my belt as I frsntically repeated phrases broken phrases of no sense.  I screamed in agony as Igripped the seat with white knuckles, anger took over.  ” you stupid fuck!  Don’t you stop me!!  You are mine!” The smell of sulfur made my rage explode!  The burning flames began to burn the soles of my feet as the disgusting smell of burnt flesh stained my skin.  “fuck you!”  The deep voices anger matched mine.  The devil & Angels battled within me, it was the end and I had to stop it.  As the emergency room doors open my rambling frantic self was being chased by the fire.

I was not going to make it as I fell into a wheel chair.  I knew it was going to be awhile.  As those metal doors unlocked the nurses crusty tone belting via a intercom… Bzzzzz!!

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