Tiny Bubbles

My whole life gained meaning the moment I felt the tiniest of bubbles atart rising in my belly.  A gentle tickle from inside, I stood still and I felt my heart begin to crumble from within me would come my future, the very best of me. Oh so very excited yet controlling myself from enjoying the moment all because I know they are not for certain, is anything?

I had been working at the greatest place ever doing very physical work in such a great heat wave that summer.  We had just decided to no longer track the cycles and try to dictate nature.  We just stopped, got a bachelor pad right in the middle of sodem & Camorra.  The trolly ran right in front our door a cute sounding ding ding that made me giggle cause I always started singing wont you be my neighbour.. Te he he.  Ok still giggle.  It was time to just relax in a new city, minimal responsibilities and entertainment everywhere.  See we both started  laying out our communities loved ones to rest at 16 while working at our tiny community Funeral homes, with this came instant maturity.  Sooo time to just chill.

The cicadas sang in that day as the hummidy hit you in the face choking the air from your lungs, phew!  I held my tummy all the way up the city hill thinking do I say anything?  Can’t see his eyes cry without tears again, can’t!  As I watched the second line form like a wish slowly appearing, Ok amazing!  I dialed the clinics number ” come on up” could toss a stone and hit the doors.  We walk over saying to eachother inside don’t talk of it, don’t get excited.. “.ok we are about 3-4 months here”. Oh my I’m a shit mother all ready!  How could I not know I had a baby growing withi. Me, a heartbeat along side mine, first sign I keep thinking, you shouldn’t be so selfish to pass down your inheritance to a innocent part of yourself.  Ya your awful already.. Spare the child I hear her voice rise.   Your a disgrace to everyone its a sheer sin you be so selfish.  You spent your life trying to end the suffering within.  How could you?

I lay on the crinkly paper sweat sticks the paper to my back, the warm gel is stirred like tomatoe soup.  I can see the experienced ladies lips talking, I know she’s getting on with her speech and all I’m desperately wanting is to see, just be ok! Please stay!  Please!  Swish swish, crisply it all comes clear, my heart grew another!  Hello tiny human!  Your perfect already!  Name picked crib ready you are so welcome and wanted.  Swish swish, for the next 5 years that terrific sound would always send shrill terror before I heard you, you loved to hide, not funny by the way.

i knew right then at first beat my whole life was about to become so worth fighting.  I was someone’s mother!  As that voiced chewed at my eyelids ” your some sight you bitch, you will pay.  No, you won’t sneak in and destroy my smile, nor haunt my womb, go away.

Tiny bubbles xo

 

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